Sunday, February 17, 2013

Her freedom

It was her ticket to freedom
or so she thought..

lying naked on the floor,
that rapidly changed color
from her innocent blood,

facing the half open door,
that once held secure
her imaginary family roots.

the rapidly changing floor
drew monsters around her
like zombie carnival.

Nearly dead she lay there
lacking all color and beauty,
that once helped her in hiding.

Like flickering candlelight,
life played games in her body
deciding the last threads.

The feelings were in place
and the reasons too for once,
death embroidered the scene.

a scene of theft and murder,
of wishful hatred and plunder,
of price one pays for others.

It was her ticket to freedom
or so she thought ..


I swear I do not know the complete story. I need to re write this with full background and filling in the picture a bit more. but I do hope you try to make a story here till then ..

Written for OSI . Sunday Scribblings , Sunday Whirl


  1. Some poems are like that - they come to us in instalments, and we're grateful if we can see the full picture from the beginning. Bravo on creating a scene as from a film, and we await the conclusion with bated breath!

  2. There is a vivid intensity here in the not knowing... :)

    1. I agree . I know I am going to return to this till I make a clear plot ..

  3. Accident, Suicide, Murder...? I can imagine many possible stories behind it... :)

  4. It feels to me that the story is is in our hands now to wonder over..

  5. This makes me think of the horrible event in South Africa with the Olympian and his girlfriend.

  6. Somewhere within you lies the full story.

    Speaking of "lies," thank you for using the verb "to lie" correctly, something that very few people seem to be able to do these days. I wouldn't have been surprised to read "she laid there," but you wrote correctly: "she lay there." Your attention to grammar deserves a great big BRAVO!

    Whirling with Gary Soto

  7. Sometimes the mystery is not solved, or resolved. Like a puzzle, it continues to nag until all the pieces are in their proper places. That's called fun, lol,


  8. To me the 'story' comes straight from one of Jack the Rippers victims. Though I only did watch one of the new episodes of 'Ripper Street' on the BBC channel - I felt like I could hear these words coming from the mouth of the latest copy cat's victim. I don't think you have to change a thing.

    The words this week also led me down a darker path...

  9. I like the mystery of this story--and it certainly is a dark one! Well wordled.

  10. Each of us can put our own hopes and fears into it now.

  11. Suspense and sadness grip here. Well done.

  12. I don't mind even if you do not complete this :) :) There is a lot left for the reader's imagination :)

  13. I agree with some of the previous posts that this feels like a whole story. Like it is, the focus is on her death, which is the important moment, and we aren't distracted by the "what could have beens". (that being said...I wouldn't be disappointed to see other installements about her...maybe going back from this point?)


Any thought ? Anything ...